oddities, thoughts and lucid dreams

El lento suplicio que se despliega cada mañana tras el despertar del sol Carcome los huesos y reseca la piel, corroe la capa dura de un caracol. Destroza los viñedos y quema los campos sin reparo en lo que se hace. Sin pedir que se detengan a contemplar los hombres este cínico espectáculo llamado: “día a día”. Se maravillan los cielos y se amotinan los mares, todo dentro de una gota de cristal. Pasa de todo.  En la ensordecedora ebullición de la sangre y en el gorgoteo del agua salada. “¡Abrid la boca y tragad!” “¡Deglutid la arena!” se oye una seca voz desde la tierra desquebrajada. El sol ha puesto su yugo calcinante en tu espalda. Te han castigado, te han marcado.   El cielo azul, de un azul tan profundo que el mar tendría celos. La tierra deshidratada, deja ir sus últimos rastros de humedad. Tiene sus venas abiertas, esperando una dosis al menos tocar. Cruje, tiembla, suena y se queja. Se burla una pérfida nube al verla suplicar.  No cor...

To think I thought I could have loved you. Denial of self, I should have never gone after. Mended ideas, repented I have. Tormented scenes repeating in my head. Oh, the way it all should and could have been. Your farce, your pain, your lies, your tied heart and your deluded need for hoarding others' broken hopes. Our demise. Your derision. I will hold no grudge. Scoff ~ the path you walk leads to the pit of deception... this time, for me, has the sun come out.

Beating myself up for no reason. Wondering where I went wrong. self-sabotaging, filled with loathing and regret. Turns out, life has its way to let you know. have I learnt my lesson. Trust myself and what my heart whispers so clearly. No heart betrays its owner. Turns out, I'm not as messed up as I thought, I was never the one to blame. I knew from the beginning it wasn't me but I neglected myself. Never again. I'm not the one to blame. Liar, hypocrite, narcissistic, deluded, distorted, medicated. You won't remain unharmed. You'll pour ruin upon yourself. May 1st 2013 10.00am Markish

This road hurts to tread. It scatters my memory and heart everywhere with Every look I take. Those places where our hands met and our eyes meshed. Our worlds colliding into one. Never had I felt this much stillness in my life. so much excitement had me blindfolded. Feel more, think less, Feel less, think more, Who the hell cares, I was in love. 'twas all that mattered.... no more. I'm lost in streets, corners and ways Each place screams your name, And I try to look for you in vain. See the stars, perhaps, they may say. This road hurts, Each meter, each stop Yells a story only I know. This road hurts To and fro, I wander.... Markish April 11th Escazu Road  11am/5pm

                                                          Love Is Not Enough. not enough to make you stay with me. even though, words slipped and your thoughts deceived your lips. and you said you loved me first.   Not a single drop of compassion. But who needs or wants compassion and self-loathing? I don't need them, anyways. it is me who needs to get away, even though I miss you harder than ever. I've understood. Love is not enough to make you stay. Not enough for me to make it up to you. Not enough to make you forgive one falter or two. Not enough for deleting it. Not enough for starting it, either. YOUR love isn't enough only mine is enough for me and myself, at least...

Are we awakening from this slumber any time soon? The deeper I reason, the more I flounder into a dogma that has twisted minds at will. Will there be a time for sobering this religious drunkenness mixed with self-guilt inflicted daggers at hands? So they say... And we argue, so we say...  white dove is now the white dope... Hateful flag where separation is found... Genderising, deranging. Why hasn't it evolved? White dove leaves a whitish powder as a trail... 'tead of bleeding noses, there are scabbed knees... They're in trance. They can't feel. All feelings are bad. Sex is evil and since sex is evil so is nature. Mind is perverse. The body a temple of doom. The spirit is needy and weak so we’re fed with guilt... World has changed and so have some… if we did, why have they not? And yet an ancient and wise man said: "... but when God commands that something should be done which is against the custo...

It’s no longer painful. I’m sedated or maybe I can’t suffer anymore. I’ve experienced and I liked it. Some say you find inspiration on beauty. Some say you find your words by silence. I say there’s beauty in pain. Pleasure and pain must coexist. It’s no longer maddening. I’m under control or maybe I’ll suffer a little more. I’ve challenged myself and I’ve taken it. Some say you reap what you sow. Some say it all comes down to you. We face the consequence, we live and we die. Pleasure and pain must coexist. Pleasure. Pain. We all have felt. Lessons learned and our hearts wiser. Some of us learn from our mistakes. Some of us don’t. Life. Death. Torment. Relief And the wheel of life goes on. We tend to love what caused us pain. As if we needed more and more. The pain lingers, love leaves. And we are left adrift. It’s no longer painful. It’s no longer maddening. I am sedated. Perhaps, I speak too much. June, 11th. U.I