oddities, thoughts and lucid dreams

All I know is what I feel and what I feel is that I’m sinking What I feel is that I love you and it has become overwhelming Overwhelming because we are planning our life but we live in a lie I am pretending we are ok. You are nodding to my desire. There is a part of me wanting to disappear and eradicate this dying drought Unabashedly we keep leading us on over and over. I thought we’ve changed but I’ve never seen a change without a fire. There’s no change without a fire. There’s a hole on the ground and I seem to grow stuck I’ve fallen and see no way out. Melt us or harden us together. Destroy us or rebuild us together. Turn us to ashes or make us stronger There’s no change without a fire Burn me Friday May 9th 12:28

There are few words to say, these few words will never expire. They will always remain attached to the remaining air between you and me. Words like I love you that were never uttered anymore and only will burst with some substance within. You will never understand. what I feel when I see you Seems impossible to keep living this way Seems impossible to keep this burden We are hooked for life now And things will always be the same. We cannot live with our without each other I’m sharpened, if it is an obsession I wanna die with it. I want to be carried away. If I could melt your ice If I could break your fall If needs were drowned with a bit or lots of dope. and have come to conclusions We will always pull away and attract. Like moths to the flame. Like positives poles. Emptiness, misunderstood loneliness. It seems you are the only person in the world not willing to be loved and the only person I can love more than myself. You never leave me, you never stay. And my heart grows bigger wit...

Son sólo mis deseos que sin precisión me aquejan en cada oportunidad. Son sólo las mañanas en las que siento tal profunda necesidad. Son sólo mis sueños los que aniquilan momentáneamente la realidad. Son sólo las noches las que impregnan mi almohada de vacuidad. Sigues en mí Es sólo tu mirada la que me devuelva las ganas de sonreír. Es sólo tu voz la que me hace sentir el renacer de mi ser. Es sólo tu calor el que silenciosamente me congela en llamas. Fue sólo tu cuerpo el único que alguna vez degusté. Sigues en mí No hay explicaciones ni mucho menos condiciones, Sólo que te has ido, ido como el viento en este minuto. Te vas cada día un poco más, No hay que hablar pues sé que lo que nos pasó, quedará sólo para nosotros dos. Y nunca podré gritar a los cuatro vientos que te amo, que te amé. Sigues en mí Llevarte así, sólo en el recuerdo, sólo en imágenes reproducidas mil veces. Si es así solamente como te puedo tener, será así como te tendré. Y no necesito que me vuelvan a decir que me o...

i. Is there any way to get around this? How can I move on? Will you just forget what we’ve grown? Who brainwashed you? Who told you to stop showing love? Who told you things just don’t make sense? Who are you now? ii. The immensity of this solitude The growing flame of desire left to quench In this amazing state of mind called emptiness I can’t find anything else but you and me Wherever I go, I am insulted by failure. Allured by the mere image of the first day. I am falling deeper and don’t know how to escape. iii. If things were easy to solve I wish I could erase you from my heart And not hurt again So breakable, so fragile but tough on myself [… “is it wrong to want to stay?” …] iv. All this heartache followed by desperation Makes me see I am still under your spell Spell you never cast. Get your mind out of me Leave me swollen and shaken Tell me I am not yours anymore Will this just serve to bury the past? And I see the mistakes of the past Seem so fresh now. v. How can we just stop ...

As always you’re tattooed to my dreams... As always I can’t forget your lips... Once again I try to keep going my way But I always get where you are.

Past times, now You are letting this love die. I have given my heart to see you next to me. Loneliness takes me in. Cold as ice… No one there to stare at me, It isn’t the same; I’ll always wonder if you neared my heart once Maybe it was just an illusion. And all this time, wasted among half sung songs and phone calls, didn’t mean a thing. Is it somehow time to go? Time to say good-bye? I’m still trying to get less caring… Detachment… that is what you want. However, for me whose life revolves around you, not a simple thing to do. I’ve flown, I’ve fought, and I’ve tried and fell While you stare the days passing by. And that fortune of mine, seeing your face I see my life. I see the nights we will miss, the days full of nothingness. Emptiness inside and out. Great, your move, someday somehow your heart will melt. And you’ll realize… and it’ll dawn on you. You’ll know…. MarcusRCM ‎June ‎21, ‎2008

Allá donde tú vas Donde nunca habrá sol Donde los sueños no van Donde la lluvia cae sin parar Cuando no cabe el pesar El alma tiende a volar... ignorar. ¿Hacia dónde vas? ¿De quién escapas? ¿Hacia dónde corres? ¿Es qué no ves? Estar ahí, lejos de mí. Lejos de aquí, yo... sin nada de ti. Raíces en suelo seco, nubes de color gris. Luces, lágrimas, sueños y verdad. Muy lejos... sin ti. Tr­ès loin... sans toi. Estar ahí, contigo, ahí. Estar ahí. MarcusRCM 27 de Septiembre de 2004